Slipping Away

My therapist thinks I'm doing good, but I haven't told her that I've stopped taking my antidepressants for a few weeks now. 

I'm excited to put the whole bad break up behind me, start back to school next semester, get a new job, and maybe even start dating again. 

My eating is really bad this past week. Everyday it seems I'm eating enough to make myself sick. 

This coming week I'll have to really step up and start watching my calories. 

Maybe I'll even ask my crush to go to the apple orchard with me ;) 

A New Crush

I think I'm developing a crush on a friend. We've been talking for awhile now and he's super sweet and motivated. I want to hang out with him and get to know him more but I don't want to be the one to ask. I want him to be the one to do it. I just don't know how to get him to do it.

I have gained two pounds since the last time I was on here. I think some of it was from my period but I know for sure that a lot of it was from my eating over the weekend. I woke up this morning planning on not eating today. I last three hours and caved. I ended up pigging out. Thankfully, my friend wants to go workout this afternoon so I'll be able to work off someone of what I ate.

Tomorrow I have to work harder. I'm so close to my goal that it's getting really tough.

Trying to try harder

I failed miserably yesterday. I'm not even entirely sure how many pieces of pizza I had. All I know is that when I left my uncle's house, my stomach was hurting so bad.

Today, was better. Definitely under 1000 calories, but still more than I was suppose to.

I think I'm going to start planning my weeks on Sunday evenings. I can plan on what I eat and what time I eat so that I am making sure that I am spreading out my calories across the day. The ABC diet is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It doesn't help that I have almost no self control.

On top of that, I think my depression is coming back. This morning I woke up in a good mood. I had a small calorie breakfast and was able to watch some of my DVR shows. But sometime around the afternoon when I went to head into town, I realized that my car had no gas. My little sister was the last person to drive it and forgot to tell me that there wasn't any gas left. I started bawling. I called my dad freaking out because my sister was so stupid not to tell me. I think I might have to head back to the doctor to some more antidepressants.

=\

I have to keep going on this diet. Just take it one day at a time. I'm so tired of being at the weight that I am. It's making me depressed.

ABC Day 2

Calories allowed = >500

Calorie intake = 622

Calories burned = 168

This morning I weighed in at 118.2 with a BMI of 19.51 (-1.8 since yesterday)

I woke up this morning to a loss! Just shy of two pounds. I was really excited about seeing the numbers go down. I set a goal for myself to have a 5 pound loss by next Monday. I think I'll be okay and able to reach it but I know that it's going to take a lot of work on my part. 

NO MORE BINGING

NO MORE PURGING

I haven't taken any laxatives since Saturday night. This is my third night not taking any. Although if I see a gain in the morning I can't promise you that I won't take any. To be completely honest with you, I'm not sure why I take them. Whenever my stomach feels better and after they have left my system and I start eating again, I just gain the weight back. So, it retrospect it's almost pointless to take them but when my stomach is so full from a binge, I can't help but to take them. 

On top of that, I've been so stressed out lately that I was two weeks late for my period. And no, there was no chance of me being pregnant. Everything that happened over the summer between me and the now ex boyfriend, I'm surprised that I'm still able to get out of bed in the morning. I'm surprised I haven't crawled into a hole to die. 

Tomorrow is day three. 300 calories. Trying to stay strong with my will power, but I can already feel my stomach growling =\ 

Starting A New

Today

I had...

Today's goal was less than 500

Total intake was 390

SUCCESS!

This morning I weighed in at 120.0 with a BMI of 21.26 and a waist of 31 inches. 

I woke up this morning freaking out about the weigh in. And, it did kind of surprise me of the weight gain. That's why I knew that I had to give the ABC diet another shot and give it 100%.